Never ever trust that computer thing.

Technology. I love it and I hate it. I need it but I want nothing to do with it. I want it to be part of my life, but I just can’t trust it.

Its not my fault, it my computer’s. Really. Here I am sitting at my desk. I’m typing madly away and really don’t know whether these digital 1s and 0s will ever see the light of day. I ask my computer to calculate some difficult numbers for me and it responds with gibberish. I ask it to send a message for me and it seems to forget or it sends it to the wrong person. Sometimes I type for hours, click the “save” button and it arbitrarily sends my work out into cyberspace from which it can never be retrieved.

Sometimes I look at this creation and fantasize about replacing it with a young and attractive trophy computer. Then I realize that this is probably all I deserve. I even periodically consider whether or not I may somehow be complicit in its poor behavior. Perhaps I need to better learn what buttons to push, and maybe which not to. Still, at the end of the day, I know I will keep it around and keep using it. I also know that at some given time, it will betray me. Despite this fact, I know that it has an important role to play. So I will go forward, filled with ambivalence, because I use it, as necessary, for something that only it can do. And it doesn’t even complain. After all, there are just some things that I can’t blame on either the government or my wife. For those things I have my computer.

If this blog doesn’t sound exactly right, don’t think it is a result of my ineptitude, it was perfect when it left my office. If something is wrong, its the computer’s fault. Really. Trust me on this.

Don’t yell at me.

I’m getting fed up with television salesmen yelling at me from my TV. I’m also pretty sick of the car dealers hiring radio announcers to yell at me. And now some guy I’ve never met is yelling at me while I’m driving my car about the IRS and how they are going to throw me in jail if I owe any taxes or have forgotten to file.
I can’t help but wonder if this juvenile behavior is a holdover from Junior High School when for some reason we thought that the validity of our argument or the importance of our opinion was directly tied to the decibel level with which we expressed them. I also wonder if the average American can actually be motivated into action by someone screaming at them. Maybe so, after all the car dealers have been doing it for years and don’t seem to be changing their approach.
I for one believe that it is time to take a stand against the yellers. Therefore, I hereby commit that I will no longer buy anything from someone who yells at me. In addition, I am forthwith organizing “The Association Of People With Brains Enough To Refuse To Buy Things From Other People Who Yell At Them,” also know as “TAOPWBETRTBTFOPWYAT.” Somehow I suspect that this stellar acronym will not become a household word, still I hope you agree with the fundamental right to be offended by advertising that treats us like idiots and choose to spend your money with those individuals or companies who show you at least the minimum respect your money deserves.
If on the other hand you are a mindless drone and respond by willingly giving your money to anyone who uses a loud enough voice, I have only this to say: SEND ME LARGE SUMS OF YOUR MONEY AND I WILL SEND YOU SOMETHING THAT COSTS ME PENNIES THEREBY REDISTRIBUTING WEALTH FROM YOUR POCKETS TO MINE! THANKS AND HAVE A NICE DAY!